Joke Box

COPYRIGHT EXPRESS & STAR TIM THURSFIELD

If you’ve got side-splitting staff, a chuckling CEO, a rib-tickling receptionist or a dry-witted doorman we want to hear their jokes.

We’re giving Black Country businesses the opportunity to host our new JOKE BOX. The festival team are looking to find 365 jokes, over the next 12 months, to put together the ultimate Black Country Joke Book

“All you need to do is host our Funny Things Joke Box for a week and pop it in a prominent place where your staff and/or customers will see it. Then encourage them to take part in the festival by entering a joke and paying £1* to be entered in to a prize draw.” Comments Festival producer, Jenny Smith.

Prizes for the best Jokes entered in to the Joke Box will include free tickets to festival events. Each month a winner will be drawn from the travelling Joke Box and there will also be a prize for the business that collects the most jokes. The jokes will be shared on this page.

All proceeds from the Joke Box will go towards providing tickets to the festival for people from Wolverhampton’s most disadvantaged communities, offering the opportunity to escape all the pressures of everyday life for a time and have a laugh.

The Joke Box will be available January to October 2019.

To book in your week with the Joke Box please contact Jenny Smith on funnythingswolves@gmail.com or call 07967 187822.

*£1 suggested donation

Joke Box Jokes collected so far…

Joke box counter: 2

  1. ‘I used to end my speeches with a rhetorical question, but I’ve stopped now. What’s the point?’ – Corin Crane, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  2. ‘Knock knock…Who’s there?…P…P who?…Ha ha you said poo!’ – Yusef, aged 8
  3. ‘Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other: How do you drive this thing?’ – Steve Martin (Not the famous one!)
  4.  My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli… he was pulled in by a strong current! 
David Hadley, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  5. I needed a password that had 8 characters in it…. so I chose Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs. Corin Crane, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  6. How did the Eskimo build his house? Igloo’d it together. Lorna Taylor, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  7. Why was the policeman up the tree? Because it was special branch. 
Tracey Jovicich, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  8. What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question? 
David Hadley, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  9. Did you hear about the thief that stole a lorry load of prunes? Police say he’s been on the run for over a month. 
David Hadley, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  10. Did you hear about the two satellite dishes that got married? The wedding was awful but the reception was amazing! 
David Hadley, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  11. I quit my job at a small holiday camp due to stress… it was just 2 tents! 
David Hadley, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  12. What time is it when there’s a Pie stuck to the Dudley Town Clock? Summat to ate! 
David Hadley, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  13. Did you hear about the 2 criminals that broke into the calendar factory? They got 6 months each! 
David Hadley, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  14. Bought a TV last week: full HD, 60″, all the latest tech – only £20!!! One issue though, as there’s no volume contros… you can’t turn it down for that price! 
David Hadley, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  15. Man: Hello mate, can you make me a gold statue of my dog? Jeweller: 18 carat? Man: Nah mate, chewing a bone! 
David Hadley, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  16. I called the spiritual leader of Tibet, he sent me this large goat with a long neck?… Turns out I’d rung Dial-a-Llama! 
David Hadley, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  17. 3 surgeons discuss who they like to operating on; 1st – electricians as their insides are colour coded; 2nd – librarians as their insides are laid out in alphabetical order; But the 3rd liked politicians as patients, as there are no guts, no brains, no heart and no spine. Plus the heads and butts are interchangeable! 
Penny Griffiths, Black Country Chamber of Commerce
  18. What do you call a dinosaur with a sore bottom? Bronta-Sore-Arse! Ellie, The Way, Wolverhampton
  19. What’s a bears favourite cheese? Camerbear. Josh, The Way, Wolverhampton
  20. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot. A carrot. Kaaliyah, The Way, Wolverhampton
  21. Knock, knock, who’s there? Boo hoo. Boo who? There’s no need to cry. Nadyra, Hope Community Centre.
  22. Two biscuits were crossing the road, one got ran over, what did the other one say? Oh, crumbs! Hannah, Hope Community Centre.
  23. What does a house wear? An address:), Anon, Hope Community Centre.
  24. What do you call a dog with no legs. It doesn’t matter. Anon, Hope Community Centre.
  25. What did one cow say to another? MOOOVE. Connor, Hope Community Centre.
  26. Arthur tells his friend he’s got a monkey and doesn’t know what to do with him. Fred suggests he takes him to the zoo! When he saw him two days later he asked how he’d got on. Arthur said “Great. I’m taking him to the pictures tomorrow”. Avril, Hope Community Centre.
  27. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You’re too young to smoke. Joe, Hope Community Centre.
  28. Little boy came down for breakfast in his underwear. His mom said ‘hurry up and get ready for school’. He said ‘I am ready, it’s no uniform day.’ Pam, Hope Community Centre.
  29. Why did the crab cross the road? He didn’t! He sidestepped! Rachel, Hope Community Centre.
  30. Why did the cow cross the road? Because he wants to go to the mooovies. Nadyra, Hope Community Centre.
  31. Two banana’s sunbathing. What did one say to the other? ‘I think I’m peeling!’ Anon, Hope Community Centre.
  32. What happened to the man who didn’t know the difference between mudd and putty. His windows fell out. Anon, Hope Community Centre.
  33. What’s black and white Read all over. A newspaper. Philip, Hope Community Centre.