HAVE THE JOKE BOX AT YOUR VENUE and Help us to collect 365 jokes for the Funny Things Festival by hosting the Funny Things Joke Box
All you need to do is host our Funny Things Joke Box for a week, in a prominent place where your staff and/or customers will see it. Then encourage them to take part in the festival by entering a joke, giving a £1 voluntary contribution and to be in a prize draw.
The prizes will include free tickets to festival events. Each month a winner will be drawn from our travelling Joke Box. There will also be a prize for the business that collects the most jokes.
The Joke Box will be available January to October 2019. See more info here.
Jokes collected so far…
01. ‘I used to end my speeches with a rhetorical question, but I’ve stopped now. What’s the point?’
02. ‘Knock knock…Who’s there?…P…P who?…Ha ha you said poo!’
03. Two goldfish in a tank. One says to the other 'How do you drive this thing?'
04. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli... he was pulled in by a strong current!
05. I needed a password that had 8 characters in it.... so I chose Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs
06. How did the Eskimo build his house? Igloo'd it together.
07. Why was the policeman up the tree? Because it was special branch.
08. What do you get if you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
09. Did you hear about the thief that stole a lorry load of prunes? Police say he's been on the run for over a month.
10. Did you hear about the two satellite dishes that got married? The wedding was awful but the reception was amazing!
11. I quit my job at a small holiday camp due to stress... it was just 2 tents!
12. What time is it when there's a Pie stuck to the Dudley Town Clock? Summat to ate!
13. Did you hear about the 2 criminals that broke into the calendar factory? They got 6 months each!
14. Bought a TV last week: full HD, 60", all the latest tech - only £20!!! One issue though, as there's no volume controls... you can't turn it down for that price!
15. Man: Hello mate, can you make me a gold statue of my dog? Jeweller: 18 carat? Man: Nah mate, chewing a bone!
16. I called the spiritual leader of Tibet, he sent me this large goat with a long neck?... Turns out I'd rung Dial-a-Llama!
17. 3 surgeons discuss who they like to operating on; 1st - electricians as their insides are colour coded; 2nd - librarians as their insides are laid out in alphabetical order; But the 3rd liked politicians as patients, as there are no guts, no brains, no heart and no spine. Plus the heads and butts are interchangeable!
18. What do you call a dinosaur with a sore bottom? Brouta-Sore-Arse!
19. What's a bears favourite cheese? Camerbear.
20. What's orange and sounds like a parrot. A carrot.
21. Knock, knock, who's there? Boo hoo. Boo who? There's no need to cry.
22. Two biscuits were crossing the road, one got ran over, what did the other one say? Oh crumbs!
23. What does a house wear? An address:)
24. What do you call a dog with no legs. It doesn't matter.
25. What did one cow say to another? MOOOVE
26. Arthur tells his friend he's got a monkey and doesn't know what to do with him. Fred suggests he takes him to the zoo! When he saw him two days later he asked how he'd got on. Arthur said "Great. I'm taking him to the pictures tomorrow".
27. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You're too young to smoke.
28. What do you call a dog that is hot? Hot dog.
29. Little boy came down for brekfast in his underwear his mom said hurry up and get ready for school. He said I am ready it's no uniform day.
30. Why did the crab cross the road? He didn't! He sidestepped!
31. What do you call a cloud with no trousers? Thunderwear.
32. Why did the cow cross the road? Because he wants to go to the moovies.
33. Two banana's sunbathing. What did one say to the other? I think I'm peeling!
34. What's black and white read all over. A newspaper?
35. What happened to the man who didn't know the difference between mudd and putty. His windows fell out.
36. What happens to frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.
37. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?"
38. Me and my husband are really competitive. But I am more ...
39. What's an eggs favourite entertainment? Kareyoke!
40. What type of music does cheese listen to? R'n'Brie.
41. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Because he had no body to go with.
42. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? You're too young to smoke.
43. A man walked into a chip shop and asked for a bag of chips. The chip shop man asked "What would you like?", "A bag of chips please.". "Would you like a 50p bag or 70p bag?" "Well if you're gonna count them, i'll have a pie!"
44. What is a volcano? It's a mountain that hiccups.
45. Why did the sheep cross the road? Because he wanted to go to the baa-bers.
46. What do you call a spider with no legs? A raisin.
47. What's the quickest way of counting cows? On a cow-culator.
48. What do you call the coldest food in the world? A Chilli.
49. There are two snowmen standing in a field ... one says to the other "Can you smell carrots?"